Such a pleasure! - Alcohol

Why? Because she is a recovering alcoholic and is dry all year round. Here’s Diane’s story… 

“Dry January” was an exceptionally easy month for me. Why? Because several people weren’t drinking alcohol last month. You see, I can’t drink alcohol again – ever- and this is hugely difficult when living in a society where alcohol is not only the norm, but so highly valued and prevalent.  Alcohol really is everywhere and when you can’t drink you feel excluded from a large part of social activity.  Most people drink alcohol, and not drinking makes me feel like an outsider.  It’s difficult to celebrate, or indeed commiserate, without alcohol – just try it.  This feeling of being outside the group can make you feel different from the people you are with as they happily share a bottle. All you want is to be one of them, look the same, enjoy the same feelings, be part of the set. However, I know that I have to stay sober, and one of the ways I cope with this is by drinking non-alcoholic wine which looks the same as “normal” wine.

As a recovering alcoholic I am also aware of the stigma towards alcohol dependence – a reason you may not wish to tell others about your alcohol problem…  Remember, all of this is in a society where alcohol plays a hugely central role.  Someone who was having treatment for a drugs problem said to me that it must be even harder  to come off alcohol  than drugs as alcohol’s prevalence and important place in our society must be like “having a dealer on every corner”. Everywhere you go there is a pub, a restaurant with wine glasses on the table, people drinking in the street.  A dealer on every corner.  Think about that. Then perhaps you’ll realise how difficult it is.

I’m very fortunate in that I’ve managed to keep most of my friends even though I didn’t see some of them for a very long time. That was partly because alcohol wasn’t the main thing in their lives, unlike in mine, so increasingly we had nothing in common and then later, after I’d detoxed, I couldn’t cope with the interaction. They could drink alcohol and I couldn’t. At all. That was too difficult to handle. Amongst my friends I’m the only one who doesn’t…no…can’t… drink alcohol. That’s a hard one. You see, when you detox you have to make a decision if your friends drink (and let’s face it most people do) — do you stay with them knowing how hard it’s going to be or do you say goodbye to them and put yourself in an ivory tower with people who have the same problem as yourself hoping that these new, safer, friendships will become established and in time flourish?

I decided to stick with my “old” friendships. My very close friends know that I’m addicted to alcohol and other friends don’t. But by drinking non-alcoholic wine, which looks the same and tastes OK, I am able to be (and feel) accepted. Anyway I have no choice. What it comes down to is that I definitely want to look part of the group and not stick out like a sore thumb. I admire those who can sit happily sipping sparkling water whilst the rest enjoy their wine or beer, but I can’t do that. I want to be seen as an integral “fun” person in the group, not a dampener on others and I have a horror of appearing pious.  These fears seem to be partly addressed by my looking the same, looking as if I’m drinking wine along with the rest of the group.  Perhaps you find that a bit pathetic but it works for me.
Drinking non-alcoholic wine takes quite a bit of organisation as it isn’t easily available. Why not? A great pity!

The brand of non-alcoholic wine I drink goes through the normal wine-making process, then has an additional step added – the alcohol is removed.  It comes in red, white, rosé and sparkling white.  For various reasons (for example stigma), I don’t usually tell people that is what I am drinking.  But if I do tell them, they usually immediately ask to try it.  My answer is by all means try it, but do not tell me if you think it’s awful, as I have no choice.
Oh, I should mention that occasionally I drink non-alcoholic beer, which actually tastes very like alcoholic beer, and is relatively easier to obtain. Again the desired effect is achieved as I look the same and feel part of the group.

Incidentally, at the alcohol treatment centre I had to “fight” to have it accepted that I was going to cope by drinking non-alcoholic wine, as they felt it was too dangerous because it would bring back the mores and rituals of drinking alcohol which would be too difficult to handle and resist.  Well, it’s tough going but so far so good …

Do you need Wine now? 

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