3 Recipes for Sexual Vitality

Eager to rev up your libido? Click here to learn more about the best foods to feed your body's sexual vitality, then try these recipes from raw vegan chef Elyse Clark.
Super Kale Salad
1 head of kale

1 ripe avocado

1/3 cup unrefined flax oil 

2 tablespoons Bragg's Liquid Aminos/Nama Shoyu/Tamari

1/2 cup nutritional yeast

2 tablespoons garlic powder

1 tablespoons chili powder

1/4 cup pumpkin seeds

1/4 cup hemp seeds



1. Wash kale and remove leaves from stem; place stems aside for juicing or composting. Break leaves into bite size pieces using hands or kitchen scissor

2. Massage kale with avocado, flax, and aminos followed by remaining ingredients until well incorporated. Serve.
Pumpkin Seed Pesto Sauce

 2 cups raw pumpkin seeds

1 cup olive oil

1/2 cup parsley

1/2 cup basil

1 tsp himalayan pink salt

1 garlic clove


1.  Blend in food processor or high speed blender until desired consistency is reached
Maca Brazil Truffles
(pictured above)
1 cup raw brazil nuts

1 1/4 cups unsweetened shredded coconut

1 1/2 tablespoons maca

3/4 cup date paste or soaked and pitted Medjool dates

1 tablespoons maple

1 teaspoons vanilla powder


1.  Combine all in food processor (if the dough is too dry add teaspoon of water, too wet add extra coconut)
.
2. Form into balls and let set in fridge for 20 minutes or longer.

How Much Masturbation Is Too Much?

According to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior—the largest survey of its kind—more than 94 percent of men ages 25 to 29 reported masturbating at some point in their lives, while more than 84 percent of women in the same age group did. Another study of teens ages 14 to 17 confirmed what you likely already know to be true: Males reported masturbating more than females, and the frequency of masturbation among both sexes increased with age. And while we often think of masturbation as some quality time alone, that's not always the case. According to the NSSHB, nearly 50 percent of both men and women ages 25 to 29 self-pleasured with their partner by their side.
By now, most people know that the myths surrounding masturbation—that it will stunt growth or make hair grow in strange places—aren't true. And while some people may feel guilty or embarrassed about touching themselves, masturbation is a perfectly normal habit that even comes with health benefits.

Masturbation can be really helpful. If you can't tell or don't know where your erogenous zones are... then you can't voice that and explain it to your partner.

"Masturbation can be a really helpful," says Leah Millheiser, M.D., director of female sexual medicine program at Stanford Health Care. It's one of the best ways to learn what turns you on, both for your own enjoyment and to share with your partner. "If you can't tell or don't know where your erogenous zones are—they could be clitoral, vaginal, or anal—then you can't voice that and explain it to your partner," Millheiser says. Gaining that knowledge through experimentation also helps boost confidence in the bedroom. It's no surprise that research shows most women find masturbating sexually empowering.
And healthy strokes serve as a workout for your private parts. For women, masturbation can strengthen muscle tone in the pelvic area, lowering the chance of accidental urine leakage (laughing and peeing, anyone?), according to Planned Parenthood.

Throwing a party for one even helps relieve menstrual cramps. "It causes contractions of the uterus, which seems counterintuitive, but it's an analgesic in a sense," Millheiser says. "[It releases] chemicals that act as pain relievers." In men, masturbation has also been associated with a reduced risk of prostate cancer.
And for both sexes, solo time has been shown to be a great sleep aid since it eases muscle tension and leaves you feeling relaxed and happy. Plus, masturbation is a great option if you've chosen to abstain from sex for any number of reasons.

Too Much of a Good Thing?

Turns out it's tough to go overboard. "There's no downside to masturbation,"Millheiser says. "In general, there are women who masturbate daily and ones who masturbate once a month," she says. "For some, zero times is normal. It doesn't mean anything or that you're more or less sexual."

That said, it can become a problem if it interferes with your ability to function in your everyday life. For example, if you continue to show up to work late because of it or if you have a pattern of avoiding having sex with your partner because you would rather masturbate, says Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., sex and marriage therapist and author of The Married Sex Solution. "Some people use masturbation as a way to check out of reality and live more in their head, where they can focus on fantasies," she says. And in some cases, that can lead to disconnecting emotionally or sensually when it comes to your partner—or being overly reliant on fantasy.

"It can also be unhealthy if you find that you do it to the point of causing yourself physical harm, such as rawness and extreme genital irritation from too much friction,” she says. If that's the case, it's best to consult a professional therapist to uncover the reason behind chronic, compulsive masturbating.

One potential concern Van Kirk noted from her clinical experience: "If you are masturbating the same way every time, it can condition you to only become aroused or orgasm in one specific way, which can lead to difficulties when having partnered sex." Communication and education is key to this transition, says Alyssa Dweck, M.D., an OB/GYN and assistant clinical professor at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine. And in some cases, a vibrator "holiday" may be advised.

The Bottom Line

In general, masturbation is not only harmless but also healthy. Sure, doing it more than once a day could lead to temporary numbness, but it's unlikely, according to Millheiser. And for the 52 percent of women out there using a vibrator? You don't have much to worry about either. Millheiser says that despite rumors that vibrators can cause nerve damage, most don't use it long enough to bring on any issues. (The same study mentioned above also found that 71 percent of women had never experienced any potential negative side effects associated with vibrator use.) 

"The types of vibrators out there for sexual pleasure aren't really a risk—they're just not strong enough," Millheiser says. "But if you're using one for over an hour nonstop, you might get temporary numbness or desensitization. This isn't going to make you lose feeling all together."
The biggest risk to masturbating? Some chafing brought on by friction, which is easily remedied by lubricant.

Men's sexual desire versus women's

Our assumptions about men always wanting sex no matter what should be questioned, says Esther Perel

Being ‘in the mood’ is not just a state of mind reserved for women… Women often complain in my therapy room: ‘He just wants sex. It has nothing to do with me. It’s like he has an itch, and he wants relief. Anyone could do it for him, I just happen to be there.’
The cliché is that men are always interested in sex. Male sexuality, we think, is in perpetual motion. Contrary to women, their desire is seen as uncomplicated, a simple biological force seeking an outlet. Men are creatures of nature and women are creatures of meaning, we say. Her desire is influenced by how she feels about herself, her self-esteem, her body image, how close and intimate she feels with her partner. In short, sex is powered by the context and not by a natural drive.

But that is a myth. We may like to think men and women are different when it comes to sexuality, but that’s because we focus more on differences than similarities. Men want sex more than women. Men are more sexually spontaneous, and biologically driven. They know what they like, and they don’t change. They initiate sex when they are already turned on. Men feel desire no matter what, whereas women depend on how they feel about their relationship.

These views are hardly ever challenged, and researchers have conspired to maintain this fiction. There are seven times more studies carried out on sexual desire in women than in men. Why? Perhaps, if we were to research the facts, we may have to do away with a historical view of men that has been used to justify their infidelity for centuries. After all, men are sexually irrepressible, it’s in their nature.
But is it? Studies on men and sex prefer to focus on sexual performance, erection difficulties or premature ejaculation. We focus on men’s performance, not their desire. The truth is, men are not always interested in sex; they too are affected by their moods, and are more or less interested in sex depending on how they feel about themselves. One of my patients explains: ‘For my wife, what matters is how she feels about her looks, her body, how she feels about the kids. For me, it’s more how competent I feel, how well I do at work, my tennis match, for example.’

Is he man enough?
For a man, performance is linked to his sense of masculinity. And feeling good about himself drives his sexual desire. David struggles with this. ‘When I am not interested in sex, it makes me feel like I am not a man. In fact, my wife wants it more than me. So I had to come up with the excuse of chronic back pain. I think that’s easier for her to accept.’ I wonder if this is meant to make it easier for his wife to accept, or if David is trying to keep his identity as a man intact? For a man, identity and self-esteem are more linked to sexuality than for a woman. This explains why he is more likely to feel ashamed when he has no desire. Another patient, Jacob, says: ‘When I feel depressed or when I’m stressed or tired, I’d rather just sleep. I worry when I have to give a presentation at work and, on those days, sex is the furthest thing from my mind.’

While Jacob confirms that mood affects desire in men no less than in women, I think it’s true that men are more likely to raise their mood with sex. They also masturbate to relax, to calm their anxiety. They use sex to put themselves to sleep. Little boys discover their penis very early and find out quickly that it feels good to touch themselves. A girl’s clitoris is tucked away inside her vagina, and it takes her much longer, sometimes years, to discover it and the pleasures it can offer. But what about his ever-ready erections, my female patients ask? An erection doesn’t necessarily mean it is accompanied by desire, and desire can be present without an erection. Physical arousal and sexual desire are not one and the same. Both men and women can have sex without desire. We consider a man’s erection as all-or-nothing; either it’s up and hard or it’s not. We ask him, do you have an erection? We don’t ask him how much. What would be more difficult – to persuade a man that his woman wants him even if she is not lubricated, or to persuade a woman that her man wants her, even though he is not erect? Fear of rejection is a major concern for men.

And as they are supposed to be the initiators, that fear is with them constantly. Some of the men I meet are selfish and only want sex. But the majority want an emotional connection with their partner. They want to please her and to feel desired. Stereotypes carry truth, but that does not mean they are true. In our relationships, it’s useful to remember that.